Damien's birth story

Vanesa’s story

This is a story we would like to share to help those unsure about a home birth. We planned a home birth from the start and although we were aware the plan may change and we may have to be in hospital in the end if there were complications, we still maintained the hope we would be able to carry our plans till the end. Fortunately that is how it was.

My waters broke at 8:30pm on the 13th of April, very shortly after my husband, Markus, had gone to his regular Tuesday’s swimming session. “Ups!” I thought. I had not taken into consideration this eventuality.  When Markus arrived we decided to call the hospital to see what they advised. When we told them we had planned a home birth they beeped the community midwife and the midwife on duty called us to check how things were progressing. By then it was around 10pm and I was feeling something similar to period pain. The midwife just said “Oh your waters broke!  This is very good news, I expect to hear from you later in the evening”.  I wasn’t quite sure if I had entered that stage you may call labour, even with the period pain and all, but she seemed so confident I tried to convince myself all was fine and we were finally going to attempt our home birth.

The next couple of hours were what I may call normal, except for me putting on the tens electrodes. We lied in bed for a bit but I started to get worried that if did not stay upright and did not move around labour would not progress, so I went out of the room and started patrolling the corridor and the staircase. Markus later said I was feverishly marching up and down the stairs. He actually came out a couple of times to try to convince me to lie down again and not get too tired at this early stage. But I was worried so I kept going.  At around 3am I was feeling some contractions but they were not consistently spaced, however  by 4am I was certain I was getting closer to established labour and called Markus to come to the living room, our assigned birthing room,  and help with timing the contractions. After not long he had to start helping with the breathing as well, just as we had learned in the active birth lessons. The midwife had said to call her when the contractions were three minutes apart and one minute long. I was sure we were there but we waited a bit longer, when they were 2 minutes apart and lasted 1.5 minutes. It was 6am in the morning

The midwife on call arrived at 6:30. I had started by then to get worried that day would break soon and the neighbours would hear me. This I am sure did not help.  When the midwife arrived, I also got self-conscious. This I am sure did not help either. Then we needed to measure how dilated I was, which required turning on the lights and me lying on my back, which I had actively avoided so far,   while I was being examined. This certainly did not help – at all. However, the midwife measured me twice and proclaimed in awe: “ I cannot believe this. You are already 8 to 9cm dilated”. To which I thought “Oh. This should be transition... so I will definitely go into excruciating pain very very shortly and start yelling at my husband”. I am sure you know what I think about how helpful this was, and just minutes after thinking this, there I was feeling contractions through which I could not breath without gasping.

 The next couple of hours were a bit chaotic. Markus was trying to fill in the birth pool but was having problems and the pool was no filling quickly enough, while I was trying to decide whether I wanted the pool or not, getting stressed wondering if I should take off the tens machine and risk feeling horrible pain without it, even though the continuous electric shocks (by then the machine was at its maximum) had got in my nerves. Contrary to popular belief, I became really clingy and did not want Markus to be away at all. I presume by then I had already entered the second stage, but I was not sure, and although I was feeling this incredible urge to push, I was not actively pushing the baby out and I was curling my bottom down... Time went by...  I could hear everyone around get a bit nervous and start to wonder why the baby was not moving down. By then our midwife had come, but the midwife on call stayed  in charge.  She  started monitoring the baby’s heart beat every few minutes to check he was fine and him, like a champion, kept his heart rate steady at 135 bpm throughout, hence everyone stayed put. I started to think that the idea I had of giving birth with my back horizontal (while on my knees and leaning on the birth ball), was probably not the best idea, and that I had to think of an alternative to help this baby out, because I could not feel him moving at all down the canal.

The midwife started to coach me and told me I had to let this baby out and stop curling my bottom down. Eventually, I started to realise these contractions had a different feel altogether, apart from the unbearable urge to push during the contraction. They were not as frequent nor as long, and they were not that painful.  This helped me take control again of what was happening.  I moved my torso up and started pushing more actively.  It was then that the head of my baby somehow became unstuck and started to move down the birth canal. I felt so much relief I even laughed at the end of the contraction (the midwife said I was the only woman she knew who would laugh after a contraction), while this cricket ball came up and down the birth canal and slowly made its way down, until I felt it almost crowning, then crowning, and then finally in the last contraction, very slowly, I let the head of the baby out for the midwifes to hold and give birth to the baby’s body.

 And this is how our son Damián Suré arrived into this world at 9:36am, proud with eyes wide open and unaltered by the events that had just taken place. Except for his cone shaped head!  The three of us cuddled there for a bit while we relaxed. The placenta de-attached itself naturally and, finally, I gave birth to it with the help of the midwife.  

To be able to feel the baby come down, to be able to do it slowly and to know exactly when he had made his way out was an incredible experience and in my opinion, the best part of this labour. I presume it was possible because my waters had broken early and the birth canal was actually relatively non slippery. I suppose I paid a price as I felt quite a bit of pain in the birth canal and around my tailbone for a few weeks after the birth, which eventually went away with time and the help of some massage. But I did not have any stitches! The fact that we were at home was marvellous, you don’t need to rush anywhere or talk to anyone, you can eat and drink what you want and move around as much as you want and choose whichever position is most comfortable for you at that moment, your partner can be there all the time, you are cosy at home and can dim the lights and focus on giving birth... And after the birth you can use you own bath and your own bed to relax. I also have to say that without my partner and his help with breathing through the contractions in the critical moments (especially during transition) I would not have been able to make it with only the TENS machine as pain relief.

Markus’s story

My story starts of course with the surprise when I came home. After a long day at work and in the swimming pool Vanesa told me that her waters broke!  I was fully expecting it to happen on the weekend, knowing that Vanesa wanted it to be early and that we would then have a nice and relaxed day and things would get into motion then ... well it seemed that Vanesa wanted it even more than that! I was as well put a bit off track, because this scenario did not feature in any of my imaginary situations. So we decided to call in and ask for advice. Thankfully we were told that everything was fine and we could stay at home (Vanesa was worried because she read on the net that you have to go into hospital for a check-up if your waters break early).

I decided that it was more important for me just now to get some rest, because I would not be able to give Vanesa as much support as I would like if I was dying for sleep. So we decided to go to bed. Vanesa did not manage to stay very long and was pacing through the house and up and down the stairs. (Sort of like a balloon let loose...) I tried to get her to rest a bit as well, as what was coming was bound to be very exhausting for her too. I got up two or three times to try to slow her down a bit. I was not too successful, understandably because she was a bit scared about the contractions not setting in – me too. But it did not make sense to try to argue it too much; that would just waste both of our energy.

We dimmed the room, put on some candles and I gave Vanesa my mobile so that she would not have to use the laptop for checking the timing of the contractions, with all the wrong brain side activity that would invite.

Damian was 10 days early, so my preparation was unfortunately not 100%. I should really have setup the birth pool then, knowing that the tap attachment was not working as it should (I bought the parts to rectify the problem, but did not test it). But a decision had to be made and then it seemed more important to catch at least a short rest. I was not fully sleeping, since I as well was worried, what if contractions did not start? But I drifted in and out of sleep. At four Vanesa got me up and I was in a mixture of sleep and excitement. A bit dazed I took over the timing of the contractions and tried to put pressure on some acupressure points Vanesa pointed out to me.

The contractions were quite irregular, some spaces lasting for 4 minutes, then one then three and the same was true for the duration of the contractions. I wanted to be fairly sure that we were at or below the target before we called the midwifes to come, because I did not want to run out of time (NICE guidelines for duration of the individual stages) while they were here.

So when we eventually called it in we were nearly always below or at the 3/1 minute cycle.

As the sun started to rise I had to find ways to black out the windows. Some moving boxes and blankets came handy and it thankfully did not take me too long.

Vanesa was then using the birthball and I helped her with the breathing, to make sounds, to breathe in deeply and breath out all the way. This seemed very important, because when I did not do it (when I was attending the fountain that established itself in the kitchen – for example) she quickly became very irregular and shallow in her breathing. I then rushed over to her to help her stay calm.

The setting up of the birthpool did not take too long, despite the problems with the water supply. But Vanesa was going through transition and it would have been better if I would have been able to be there for her 100%...

She made it very easy for me. She did not at all snap at me, or shout at me. She even told me that it did hurt less when I was with her, to hear this felt very good and reassuring! In the breaks in between the contractions I tried to help her to relax, by telling her to relax her shoulders for example, to breathe quietly and to visualise. To visualise how the baby is on its journey and how the birth canal expands to let Damian out. I was even able to make her laugh once!

I was also relaying to her what the midwifes were up to behind her back as she could not see nor (so I thought at least) hear.  I was telling her how they got ready, were well prepared and generally relaxed. Damian made it easy for me as well as I could tell Vanesa how he kept a very peaceful heart rate all along. I reminded her to have some food at drink at times as well. However, I did not tell her that the midwifes got the gas ready behind her ;-) I was sure she would ask for it in no unclear ways should she want it.

I was as well taking over the control of the tens. Well, it was maxed out all the time anyway, so it was more a matter of making sure the control did not get squeezed or disconnected.

During the rest phases I tried to reduce the tens intensity (after getting approval from Vanesa first of course) hoping that having a bit of headroom for when it gets tough would be good. But no, the second I reduced it a bit Vanesa very clearly asked for it to go up to max again. I did only try it one more time .

It seemed to drag on a bit, and Vanesa appeared to be getting a bit tired. As well, the midwifes were saying that Vanesa was cramping a bit and that was stopping the progress. I was giving her a few massages during the contractions, hoping that it would help. We were as well lifting her up a bit at the front, to aid the progress. After a few contractions I tried to press against Vanesa’s hip which should open up her pelvis a bit more. But I am not too sure if it made any difference. I asked the midwifes if we should try some lounges, but they seemed not too bothered just yet and said that it would possibly not be necessary.

And then, a few contractions later we were told that the head was showing and a few minutes later he was out!!

I am really glad that I was able to be there and do things that seemed to be supportive. In hospital I would had to be at home for most of the night! That would have been something like 80% of the whole birth!

I am so glad that we were able to go through this together and that I could at least contribute a bit.